12:39 pm
The map told me I had arrived at my destination. There were only four houses in the beach-house estate, and I parked my car in the driveway of the biggest house, on that lane. A black Volkswagen bug had just parked at the remaining spot under the thatched roof shed-garage.
I unplugged my phone from the car charger, killed the engine, and made to step out of my car when I saw him.
I think I have loved this man for a long time. Maybe love is not the word. I do not know.
I kept staring at him as he took out his travel bag from the other side of the small car. I watched him walk into the big house. Then I sank back into my car seat. And then I got angry.
Men are stupid. Teenage boys are silly.
When puberty set in for me, the first person I had a big crush on was Kemuwa. I did not know what it was then. I only knew I had to be with him almost every time.
We had lived on the same street on Quarry road, in Abeokuta. They had lived three houses away from ours. My first day of secondary was two weeks after the academic year had started. Fine Arts class was in session when I stepped into the classroom. We did not have an art studio, so we used the classrooms.
The art teacher spared me no second glance when I walked in. A seat was closest to where I was standing, so I crouched a little lower and pleaded with the occupant to share his chair with me. Thankfully he did.
“I am Otire.”
“My name is Kemuwa.”
We shared his seat for two periods. During the short break, I met with our class teacher, who helped provide a rickety table and a good chair. I made a quick dash to the school store to get pastries and head back before the bell rang again.
On my way back to the classroom, I crossed paths with Kemuwa, who was on his way back from the staffroom.
“H-Hi. Thank you for letting me sit with you. ” I said to Kemuwa when I fell in step with him.
“it’s okay. It’s nothing.” He had not looked at me in the eye when he said that.
During our small talks, we found out we lived close to each other. They had just moved into the area the week before. My folks could not have known about a new family in the area. My mom had just put to bed, so it was just my grandma, my mom, and I at the hospital.
My granddad and my father were away on a business trip together. My grandma did not mind me staying back home with them.
One night, when I was sixteen, I found my dad in the kitchen making dinner. It was surprising to see him at home around that time. Usually, my mom made dinner because she got home early from work. My dad always made breakfast because he never sleeps much, and he is also an early riser. This arrangement worked well for them, so seeing him in an apron was amusing.
“E kasan, sir.” He was cutting tomatoes when I walked in. He poured the vegetables into a plastic bowl.
He looked up, sniffed, and smiled at me, “Bawo ni? How was school today?”
I unhooked my suspenders and pulled my shirt out from the band of my trouser. “School was there sha.”
“It was there… sha?” He smiled. My dad does not smile much, and seeing this smile on his face made me a little uneasy. His face looked sad.
I opened the fridge door, “This one you are in the kitchen this afternoon.” I hid behind the fridge door, so he would not see the worried look on my face. But what I heard made me panic for a bit.
My dad was sobbing. I peeped from behind the door to see his shoulders shake and as the sobbing continued. He suddenly looked old.
“Daddy… are you okay?”
He was facing the window, so I could not see his face. I walked to where he was standing. I saw a wrinkle that I had not seen on his face before.
My mom and younger sister had died in an accident. Both of them burnt beyond recognition. Their death had been on a few newspapers, and a local TV station had aired it during the late-night news.
I did not know this at the time as I had gone to Kemuwa’s house. I remember my dad calling my name after he had told me the news. He had said I mumbled Kemuwa’s name, and he just let me… go.
Kemuwa’s mom had just gotten out of her car when I entered their compound. I noticed the shock and concern on her face, but it did not matter to me at that moment. I think my appearance was a shock to her. I looked like I had been crying, and I had. I mumbled some greetings and walked past her. I needed to get to my friend.
Kemuwa came out of their flat to come meet his mom when he saw me. I simply walked to him sobbing. He was confused. Probably because he had not seen me cry before — Not even when teachers caned us.
That morning, when I handed my baby sister back to my mom before leaving for school, I made a mental note to get her a doll on my way back. I had the toy in my hand when Kemuwa took me back to his bedroom.
12:50 pm
I was not sure if I could face Kemuwa, but then again, he did not remember me at the wedding. Who is to say he would recognize me here, at the beach house?
When I saw him at my sister’s wedding, I almost passed out. Of all the places to find him, it had to be my sister’s wedding. My dad had adopted her after he married her mom. We all are cool.
I remember how kissing Kemuwa made me feel that night, fifteen years ago. I remember how full his lips were. He had been hesitant at first. He had tasted of eclairs when he finally let me in. My tears had found their way into our kiss, and everything became bittersweet instantly. He was not my first kiss. I had kissed a girl in my class, in my previous secondary school.
My mind found its way back to the present, and I finally got out of my car. I walked into the big house with my overnight bag. When I got into my room, the alarm on my phone went off. Then I remembered I left my ARVs in the car.
Ugh!
4:59 pm
I dug my feet into the sands on the beach. I had always thought coming to the beach to dig my feet into the sand was therapeutic. I checked the joint in my hand and confirmed it was not burning anymore before putting it in my back pocket. My ARVs jiggled slightly in the back pocket.
5:05pm
From where I was standing on the beach, I caught sight of a man at the swimming poolside. Just as I was about to look away, I saw the side of his face, and I stood there transfixed. I watched him take off his shirt first. I watched him fold the shirt and place it on the plastic table beside his lounge chair.
Then he moved into the sunlight, and it felt like I found something I had been missing. I stared at him for so long I did not hear my phone ring in my pocket. I still ignored the call.
Kemuwa started to take off his shorts but stopped himself. He looked around — but not in my direction. He shrugged and peeled off the shorts, but it still looked like he was unsure of what he was doing.
When he stood up straight, he revealed brown thongs, then he loosened the knot on the left side of his thong before tying it again. I do not think I have seen a man so sexually appealing before. He was long, lean, and alluring. It was all without effort.
Then he walked into the sun, and everything stopped. My breath ceased.
5:15 pm
I watched this man give an unintentional show when he was under the shower. I watched the water pour on his body, poured off his body, off his cute bumbum. I watched the water snake around his calves, then ankles. I watched him sigh as he ran his hands on his head and face.
He turned off the shower and walked to the diving board.
Then our eyes met.
He looked away and dived into the water.
5:56 pm
I was not sure why I was going to him. I was not sure why I was not thinking. I saw this man again, and I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to see him frown. I bet it would be the same creased forehead and dip in his left cheek when smiled or laughed.
I wanted to hear the wheels turn in his head. I wanted to see his eyes focus when he reached a decision.
I wanted to say I was sorry. I was sorry I made Kemuwa believe I hated him. I did not know I loved him — liked him, until many years later. I did not know what it was. I did not understand it. But I did eventually, and I do now.
As I walked towards him, I wondered if he had a new nickname for me. He always had a nickname for me, almost every day when we were younger.
I stayed away from him after I had kissed him the night my mom and sister died.
When he let me into the sweetness that was his mouth, I took every bit of it hungrily. I took in his breath when my tongue tangled with his. He let out a soft groan, pulled away gently, and bit the corner of my lower lip.
The kiss broke and what we had just done dawned on me. I wanted to do more than kiss Kemuwa. I wanted to feel him underneath me. I needed him to feel the way he was making me feel. I wanted to give him back what he was giving me.
I stared at him under the harsh bulb light, the yellow one. He smiled at me tentatively before looking towards the door.
I got up and locked it.
6:01 pm
“I don’t know. I just saw you, and I thought… you brought back memories”
What the hell was I thinking?! No wonder he walked away. I could not even stop him. I sat down exactly where he had sat some minutes ago. It was still warm and a little damp.
I wonder why my dad had told me to stay away from Kemuwa and his family the morning after we had been together.
I wonder if Kemuwa knew something.
6:15 pm
I took the first flight of stairs. Then I took the second and the third flight of stairs. I took the stairs three at a time — I was both excited and anxious too. I found Kemuwa’s room keycard on the floor after he had left me alone.
I paused when I was about to take the stairs to the fourth floor. Why was I doing this? Was I expecting him to smile at me for finding his keycard? Maybe I was expecting him to be in front of his room crying. I did not even know his room. The keycard had no room number.
I breathed in and out, and then I rationalised my thoughts.
Yes, I do. I want Kemuwa’s long legs around my waist while I cradle the back of his head with my left hand, and my right hand holding him at the waist while my dic tells my brain about the grip and warmth its feeling and-
Another pause. Inner pause.
6:17 pm
“Excuse me.”
Someone said behind me. I turned, and I found Kemuwa standing behind me.
“You are in my way.” The tone of his voice was neutral and curt.
I flattened myself against the wall so he could move past me. He was about to turn the corner towards his room when I called out to him.
“Wait.” He did not, so I ran after him, “You left your keycard by the pool.”
He stopped walking, and I almost ran into him. I saw him breathe in and out before turning to face me. I saw the boy I had kissed fifteen years ago.
“What do you want?” Kemuwa asked me.
“I am sorry for everything.” I did not hesitate with what had been on my mind for many years. “I am so sorry I was an asshole. I was stupid and…”
Kemuwa turned and continued walking.
“I am sorry I threw the snacks and party pack in the bin.”
He stopped walking, so I continued. He was not looking at me. He had turn to face me, but he was staring at the door to his right.
“It was the dumbest thing to have done to you and on your birthday.”
His head snapped up and he looked straight at me. The dangerous scowl I had seen him use in secondary school was back. He had never directed it at me before, so I knew I was fucking up.
“I am not saying I should do it at all or on any day. I am- I so sorry. I have wanted to apologize to you for so many years, I just did not know if you would ever want to hear from me again.”
“You should have fucking tried.”
“I should have.” I agreed.
We kept staring at each other.
Then his phone beeped, and my mine vibrated in my pocket.
