Grindr and Two Idiots.

We met on Grindr and hooked up few hours later. As soon as we had peaked, I had a quick shower and left his apartment.

On my way out, I opened the app and blocked him. I did not have his phone number, he didn't have mine either. We knew what we wanted, we'd gotten it and adiós.

I know I might have been extra with the blocking, because honestly, there was no need for it. If he texted, I could just ignore them, yeah? Well, no. Now, I hate ignoring texts generally. If you text me and you don’t get a reply within 30mins, my phone might be dead. If you don’t get a reply 3hrs later, be worried. Really.

That thing kinda spilled into Grindr too. I'd always reply a text. And also politely tell you that I wasn't interested.

Now, my bio reads, I’m solely here for sex. I do not want to be your friend. That pretty much tells you what I’m after. I’d share my IG (LOL), a video call too, share my dope ass nudes if it is required. But that phone number, I will not give- thank goodness for Telegram. I only want sex. No familiarity whatsoever.

But I digress.

I did not think we would meet two days later, and on this goddamn wide-ass football field.

We met in Ibadan. Errands took me there, he was visiting family. Why and how did he appear in Abeokuta?!

So there I was, on this football field, with a joint in my hand, music in my ears, my eyes on this football team, on a Sunday morning.

Beautiful players, if you ask me. They had balls slinging and slanging. And played too.

I watched and smoked. I watched and smoked again. I couldn’t see things clearly because one eye of my glasses is missing, so I was blind small and then high on top.

The whistle went off and someone joined the players on the field. I couldn’t see him clearly because no glasses. A text came in on my phone and I was distracted for a while.

When I finally resumed attention on the match, I caught one of the footballers staring at me. The new player. I still couldn’t see his face, but I remember his jersey number. I wasn’t sure but I knew he was staring or had stared.

Then I noticed this guy would play ball for a bit, then stare. I became a little anxious, but I shook it off. I tried to enjoy the game without giving him many thoughts.

Then from nowhere, this guy- the new one started playing so well, that even the other players were shocked. He was so sleek, swift and agile.

Next thing; GOAL.

His guys hailed, patted and gave high fives before he ran off, towards where I was seated — towards me. That was when I saw him clearly. BUT I STILL DID NOT REMEMBER HIM. LMAOOOOO.

Then he smiled at me. But I knew I had an amused look on my face. 😭

The match resumed, he continued to play beautifully. I overheard someone I guessed was their coach say, "I wonder what he ate today. He has never been this serious..."

Then three goals.

Ahan! O ga o. PSG lomo!

He looked at me again, then it hit me. Where we had met, how we had met, how he ate me tf out, and how his strokes had made me feel. Everything hit me at once!

Then I looked at him with new eyes, and I saw him smirking. It was as if he knew what had happened to me.

He kept playing beautifully, would steal glances at me, smile even. One time when I returned his smile, he had quickly looked away. Maybe he was shy.

I was sobering up, and I was also ready to go home. I put the weed butts in a small paper I had brought with me and I got up from where I was sitting. I took the walkway beside the field that would lead to the gate. That was when the final whistle went off.

I sha kept walking and the uncle decided to appear in front of me. I did not remember his name. I don’t think we exchanged names even.

'Why are you running, Mofe?'


I just started laughing like a fool because *insert Funke's meme*, and I was actually running away. Like, how I go face am? Explaining why I'd blocked home is stressing and I do not like stress.

But I quickly apologized for laughing and he chuckled.

"The meme, abi?" He asked. I nodded, 'And I was also running away.’ then I started laughing again. This time, he joined in.

"Why did you block me though?" The dreaded question was finally asked.

'Because you asked if I wanted to hangout later and I already mentioned I only wanted sex. Nothing more. It wasn't personal.'

'It was to me'.

I looked at him funny and said 'Okay. Sorry’.

'Okay. That was weeks ago, yeah? Can we hangout now?'

“Weeks ago?” I was confused. Was he mixing faces up? “Dude, it was two days ago.”

He started laughing, “I bet you don’t remember my name.”

When I did not say anything, he said, “Wow.”

Honestly, I was not bothered. Maybe you think I was terrible. Maybe you’re right. I’m sure his IG username is on my search history, but we’d fucked. We were done, his details did not matter anymore. Plus, I am good with faces. His beautiful face was one of the many forgotten ones.

“Alright then.” He stepped closer and I could feel that musty smell and body heat from him warm me up, “I want to hang out with you, Mofe.” He cocked his head to the side, “Don’t say no. Please.”

“What’s your name?” I asked him. I think I appeared unreadable to him.

“I’ll tell you if you agree to hangout with me.”

Ah. Wahala.

“No sex though.” I agreed.

“Ha!” The way I burst out laughing at his exclamation ehn.

“You said hangout now. Abi?”

“Na wa o. Must everything be stated?”

I gave him a look. I don’t know which one, but it was a look and went, “Okay okay okay. Sheesh.”

He paused to stare at me, then around us. We had completely forgotten we weren’t alone, but when I looked around, no one paid us attention. Everyone was busy doing something. Five of them were eating.

“Eyimofe, I would like to hangout with you. And I would also like to fuck you afterwards.” He smiled, “What do you say?”


I sweartogodwhomademe I was not expecting the boisterous laugh he let out.

“I swear if you had said yes, I would have concluded that you’re a corny ass man.” he finally managed to get the words out.

“Fok ov.” And I walked past him and continued moving towards the gate.

“Wait naa.” He caught up with me. “Sorry. Sorry.”

I just chuckled. Bobo yii o serious sha.



He looked at me with amazement. Like woooow. “So you knew it all along?”

“Nah. Just a little communication with the operator and it came back.” I replied.

“Are you referencing Matrix right now?” I did not think he’d know that. . “You are so cheesy.”

And he started laughing again.

I started walking again.

“Sorry now. Ah. Don’t be vexing for me.”

That was when I knew I was in trouble because he found and held my left hand,as I was standing to his right. He looked at me. Into my eyes. My soul.

And he asked me again, “ Eyimofe, I would like to hangout with you. And I would also like to fuck you afterwards.” He paused. “What do you say?”

Dem no born me well make I tok no.

Six | Pure.Black.Grey | 1213 | 890 |